This is going to be mushy. I’ll try and keep it brief. You’ve been warned. The background is: I’m making an effort to keep up with the day to day more. I get into these ruts where I find myself willing the weeks to go faster so I can get to the weekends and the months to go faster so I can get to the holidays and vacations. But if you think about it, those weekends and holidays are like 10% of your life if you’re lucky. I was willing 90% of my life to move more quickly! That’s nuts. So, I’m trying to focus on doing something fun or relaxing every day. I’m really good at appreciating the big stuff, but I wanted to get better about the small stuff too. I want to remember the little things for the days when the big reasons I have to be thankful (health, security, family) seem too abstract to pull me out of a funk. I want something I can keep in my pocket and hold in my hand on a bad day. This is one of those.
Since Chris and I have gotten engaged (7 months ago! Time flies) we’ve gotten into a habit of saying, “that’s why I’m marrying you”‘ to everything from cute stuff to dumb stuff like when one of us does something gross the other will say, “that’s why I’m marrying you!”
Anyway, I know the big picture reasons I’m marrying Chris. He is outstandingly kind. Seriously, he thinks of everyone all the time and is devastated when he even accidentally hurts my feelings. He’s brilliant. I am the queen of facts, and he can out-fact me six ways to Sunday. He’s funny. Like, make me belly laugh until I cry funny. He’s responsible and positive. He’s musical and neat. He’s a total babe. He’s handy around the house and the cats love him. More than me, but I digress.
I know there will be a day when none of these things matter to me. I will be so angry that I will fail to remember the wonderful capital letter Q Qualities. That’s when I want to remember that he waited for me on the train platform on a regular old Tuesday at boring, gross Newark Penn Station.
Chris leaves for work earlier than me and usually puts in a longer day. We have “regular” trains that we catch to and from work, but it varies a lot depending on what we’ve got going on in the week. It’s rare that we commute together even though we’re traveling the same route. It’s not expected that we wait for the other person because the logistics are messy. On Tuesday, Chris had the rare opportunity to leave work on time, and I had the less rare opportunity to leave a little early. He made the train with like 2 minutes to spare. I sat in other train traffic and texted him that I was going to miss it. I cursed and whined and over-dramtized. I hate missing my train for reasons outside of my control. Public transportation is stressful.
He got off the train that he just barely made, and he waited for me on the platform. He took the later train so we could commute together. He sacrificed rare free time in favor of standing in hot, smelly, loud and disgusting Newark Penn so we could commute together because he knows the commute stresses me out. That’s all. But it literally made my day. It made me smile like a clown when I saw him standing there. It made me feel loved and important. I got to chit chat with my best friend for forty minutes rather than brood about getting home late despite leaving early.
I’m starting to realize that’s what love is. It’s a partnership. It’s cleaning the cats’ litter box even though it’s my turn. It’s leaving a coffee mug out for me. It’s spending all night on the phone with AT&T so I can upgrade my stupid phone. It’s waiting on a smelly train platform when you could be home relaxing. That’s why I’m marrying you.
Ok. I’m done. Thanks for humoring me.